June 26th, 2012

Lord, my sweet baby girl has had a high fever for the past two and a half days. Last night it got up to 105 degrees Fahrenheit! It was scary. It came down pretty quickly with ibuprofen, a cool sponge, and a midnight viewing of Sesame Street (‘elmo’ to Evangeline). I’m so glad You have protected Malachi from it. Thank You for the great immunity breast milk provides!

I don’t like admitting that in situations like this I do get scared. I have complete faith that You could heal Evangeline immediately. But I don’t have complete faith that You will. Is that wrong? I just know too many wonderful ladies who have lost their children. This amazing lady who lost her twin boys when she was 19 weeks pregnant with them. My friend and mentor Marsha, who lost her son to cancer when he was a teenager. Another acquaintance in North Carolina who lost her 3 year old to cancer. The story I learned of recently about a freak accident that killed a little 4 year old girl in a church yard. I don’t know why You allowed these things to happen, and I guess I’m not really asking. I just am scared because I know that if it can happen to them, it can happen to me.

It’s after I put Evangeline to bed at night that the fears usually come out. I’ll lie in bed and start thinking, ‘what if she stops breathing?’, ‘what if her fever goes up so high she has a seizure and we’re not in there?’, ‘what if…what if…what if…’.

Lord, I like to say that I trust You. I like to say that my children are Yours and not mine. But when it comes down to it, I don’t know how I would react if You allowed something to happen to one of them. Please protect them. But, please help me to trust You more with them. 

I love You.