Have you ever noticed how music can so quickly bring you back down memory lane to the times when you listened to that particular song over and over, or when that CD (cassette, album…8-track…depending on how old you are…) first came out and you were so excited to get it and that’s all you listened to for weeks? 

There are some songs that when they come on I go straight back to high school, with all the drama, heart break, and everything else that goes with high school years. ‘Time of Your Life’ by Greenday is one of those songs, along with a bunch of Chris Tomlin worship songs (although the worship songs usually remind me of my favorite times in high school, like youth group and camp).

Then some songs take me back way before high school, to a time when I barely remember anything else. The hymn ‘The Old Rugged Cross’ is like that…every time I hear it I remember laying in bed in the house I only lived in up until I was 7, my mom in the rocking chair in mine and my brother’s room, singing that song until we went to sleep.

I found a case of some of my old cd’s the other day, and Adam and I have been listening to some of them in the car. One said ‘Hannah’s Favorite Songs’…I’m pretty sure it was from 11th or 12th grade. My musical tastes haven’t changed all that much, although the songs I chose (the first three were Barlow Girls, You’re my Little Girl, and Daughters) did seem to indicate the time of life I was in. (-:

Then there were the WOW 1999 and WOW 2000 CD’s (compilation of Christian artist’s hits from those years, like the NOW cd’s). 

1999 was ELEVEN years ago, people…11. I was 12 years old when I got that CD. How much have I changed in that time? I remember thinking about what it would be like to be 20…to be in college…to be able to drive…to be married! And now  I’m 23 and thinking about what it’ll be like to have a baby (no, I’m not pregnant, don’t freak out!). I also remember thinking that there were some people that I couldn’t live without…and now I haven’t spoken to them in years for no reason except that we grew apart. I wanted some things to change, but if I had really thought about, I would have wanted most stuff to stay the same.

Most the time change is scary, and a lot of times it’s also unwanted. But looking back over the past 11 years and more, I can catch a little glimpse of the big picture. Things have to change in order for you to grow. 

One of the songs on my old favorites cd was a Reliant K song with the lyrics “…I know that this will hurt…but if I don’t break your heart, things will just get worse…”. Hearts have to break, people have to move away, the old have to die and sometimes the young do too, babies have to be born…things have to change. 

But if they didn’t…well, would you still want to be 12?

(p.s. I wanted to put a picture of myself when I was 12, but wasn’t able to find one…sorry!)

The Center of my 600 Sq. Ft. Universe

The other day I was thinking about how so many times I act like I’m the center of the universe. Those who know me (except my husband and sisters) are probably thinking ‘no way! hannah never acts like that!’. But, folks, I’m here to tell you that I do. And if I don’t act like it, I’m probably thinking like it. The worst comes out at home, especially lately because I’ve been at home by myself a lot. And when you are home in your 600 sq. ft. townhouse, by yourself, with no vehicle and few friends around to distract you, well…it’s hard NOT to feel like the center of your own little universe.

But I realized yesterday that there are lots of ways to break out of that system of thought…I realized it when I was writing notes to two of my dearest friends. I had been grumpy for the past hour or so, but when I decided to get out of myself and do something for someone else, I felt so much better!

But what helps even more is to think on “things above”, not on “earthly matters”. Earthly matters usually revolve around me…something I’m worried about, something I ‘need’, something someone did or didn’t do for me….but the things above, those thoughts are on God. Who God is, what He’s done, and what I can do to bring Him more glory. The Bible study I’m doing is all about that changing of your thought process to one where you think less on things that don’t matter, and more on things that do. Yesterday I made a list for God of all the things I’ve been concerned about. This morning, I looked over that list and realized I needed a new list. My new list contains all the reasons I should not be concerned about those things…most of them revolve around the fact that God is good.

I suppose when it comes down to it…God should be the center of whatever universe you’re currently residing in.

Why my Laundry Habits Don’t Affect my Soul

I guess it’s about time I started posting here again. I took a break when school ended, but it’s now been more than a month. I don’t think it’s a good idea to break that long for a new blog…but oh well. The past month has been a mix between crazy hectic and as boring as watching grass grow (which isn’t even happening right now in this terrible winter time). I will not go into all the details of the holiday season, except to say that it was totally different from any I’ve had before, and probably from any I’ll have again. I had to prepare myself for more than a month for not being with family on Christmas Day, but then I got to enjoy family for two whole weeks after Christmas. All in all it’s been a great month, and it’s difficult to get back to the daily grind of being here in Wake Forest.

I thought of something to write about in church today. I felt kind of bad taking notes on something other than the sermon, but I didn’t want to let the thought slip away.

During the Noble Wife bible study that my friend and I started a few months ago, we’ve recently been talking about how we feel bad because we are always leaving the laundry in the dryer for at least a day or two, because we just hate folding and putting it away. We were happily surprised to learn that we both struggled with this. After polling 5 or 6 other wives, we’ve learned that all of them struggle with it too! When I spoke to my mom about this phenomenon (which, by personal experience, I knew she was no stranger to), she made the comment that it is not sinful to have laundry backed up, or a ‘not quite perfect’ house as far as cleaning and straightness goes. My friend and I also talked to another lady that comes to our bible study, and she told us about how she used to never match up socks. She would just put all the socks in a basket, and when she or her husband or kids needed a pair, they’d go to the basket and match their own up. Both she and my mom helped me realize that not having everything in the house in perfect order all the time is not something to feel guilty about, and not necessarily even something to strive for. Trying not to be lazy is one thing…trying to be perfect is a total different story. What a relief!!

Elizabeth Elliot wrote, “”The beauty of thy peace” shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.” When I first read this, I assumed it applied to my laundry dilemma…my disordered laundry area meant my soul was also disordered!! After talking to the godly, older, wiser women in my life, I realized that an “ordered life” means much more than just the physical order of the house. Maybe a better word than “ordered” would have been “balanced”. Balance seems to be the key to so many things, and this is no exception. If a house is in such disarray that it’s barely livable and makes guests feel uncomfortable, then perhaps something does need to change. But the opposite can also be true…a house can be so perfectly clean, neat, and organized, it also doesn’t feel livable and can make guests uncomfortable.

I guess if I had to describe a livable and hospitable house, or in other words, a home, it would look something like this: There’s always a game piece or two tucked between the couch cushions; there’s a stain on the carpet from the time the family had a ‘picnic’ in the living room; there’s always sheet music left out on the piano; a pile of shoes greets you at the front door; the clean dishes sometimes have a piece of food stuck to them because the kids were in a rush to finish so they could start playing again; there are more pictures of people on the walls and shelves than of scenery or copies of someone else’s work; the smell when you enter can never quite be defined except as ‘that families’ smell.

Of course, this description probably varies depending on who you talk to. And I think it’s important that husband and wife compromise, especially if they are on opposite ends of the ‘neatness’ spectrum. But I think that most ‘ordered souls’ happen to be that way because the life that’s lived, and the place it’s lived in, are where families are spending time with each other, loving each other above themselves, and loving God above all.

Sometimes, an excellent wife will have laundry in the dryer for 3 days before putting it away. And that’s ok…her soul can still be at peace.